Wii Fit, I was going to keep this a secret from you, but with the way you greeted me so passive-aggressively today, it became clear that you really need to hear the truth, and it probably would be best coming from me. I don't know how to tell you this, but ...
Well, there's another trainer, you see.
She's an elliptical trainer, and she's black and sexy. She and I work up a real sweat together. A sweat like you've yet to bring out in me.
I know it hurts, but I think it's only fair for you to know, I just don't have it in me to be a one-trainer guy.
Now you don't need to wonder. If I'm not with you, I'm with her. And if it makes you feel any better, sometimes, while I'm with her and pushing and grunting to the point of near exhaustion, I'm thinking of you. You'll never stop being special to me.
There. I said it. I think we're both better for it, too. One day, you'll understand. Maybe when I'm on top of you next time. You know, doing my body test. You'll look me straight in the BMI and tell me it was all worth while.
Just, please, in the meantime, don't take jabs at me like you did today. Just understand. Sometimes there are things a man just has to do to feel like more of a man.
2 comments:
Wii is so rude! I read some news story a while back about it calling some British kid "fat."
The nerve!
A friend of mine* got on his Wii Fit and the little voice squealed, "You're obese!"
*I know people use the phrase "a friend of mine" as a smokescreen all the time, but I'm being for real here -- it's not me. I was actually relieved that it didn't say this to me when I used the Fit for the first time!
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