What is WRONG with you, Steven Klapow?

Am I the only one who was okay with this year?

2011-12-31T18:31:00.005-05:00

There are just a few hours left in 2011 and, with some time left before I head to a party, I'm sitting here at the computer and reflecting on the year. It seems to me that the general sentiment among most of my friends is, "Good riddance to 2011, because it sucked."

In some ways, I suppose it did. The economy is no better than it was when we welcomed the year, and that, of course, brought its share of misery with it. We lost a few brilliant minds, too — Steve Jobs and Christopher Hitchens, for example. There's no denying that there were down spots in 2011. But aren't there elements of misfortune with every year?

For me, 2011 was a year for trying new things, and, in fact, I want that to continue in 2012.

January was a cheese-free month for me. It probably seemed silly to a lot of people, but going 30 days without something I really like (and, admittedly, consume too much of) was a challenge I posed to myself. My sister did it, too, and we both succeeded. I was thinking about doing it again in 2012, but instead, I'm considering an attempt to go vegan -- not vegetarian, but vegan -- for a week or two. It's going to be much tougher than giving up cheese, but I really want to give this a try.

I also joined a bowling league. Having not bowled regularly since I was a Boy Scout, I was a bit nervous. The commitment of showing up every Sunday night for almost half a year seemed daunting, too, so I joined as a sub instead of a full-time bowler. As it turned out, I bowled for all but three of the weeks in the entire season (and, even those three weeks, I didn't bowl only because I had plans or was away on trips). Although you won't see me on ESPN, I discovered I'm a fairly good bowler. But, more important than that, I really enjoyed myself and meeting so many people. For 2012, I've joined a team full time. My goal is to bring my average closer to 200. We'll see. Even if I don't hit this goal, getting out there every Sunday is exciting to me.

Over the summer, I was encouraged by a co-worker to try a spin class. Even though I have an elliptical trainer at home, and it actually does get used (instead of serving as a clothes rack), I felt like I needed to add an extra "push" — and boy, spinning certainly does that. I was relieved that, even in my first class, I kept up with everyone else. Spin is by no means easy, but the rush from it is tremendous. I wish my weekday schedule had room for spin, but for now, it'll have to remain a weekend thing. One thing is for sure: I feel like a healthier, stronger person because of these classes.

For several months out of the year, I served on a committee for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Admittedly, I thought another time commitment would be an issue, but it wasn't after all. Between donations I raised personally, plus putting on two benefit concerts, and convincing a number of businesses and corporations to do sponsorships or form walk teams for the Light the Night walks, I raised a lot of money -- way more than I ever thought I would.

Although not a year for international travel, I was lucky enough to go places that made 2011 more memorable. I visited friends and family in Raleigh, I visited the Columbia Valley wine region in Washington state (where I ate a tongue taco out of a woman's car trunk -- true story), and, in Seattle, I got up in front of a bar full of people and sang. Yes, I realize karaoke is hardly new, but for a former introvert, it's a big deal. In the fall, I spent nearly a week in Florida, reconnecting with old friends from high school (and even earlier). I came home from that trip even more thankful that I've been able to stay in touch with people who knew me in elementary school.

I saw Ladytron perform live, and I had a chance to meet Sandra Bernhard briefly in person. I got to see "Hair" and "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert on Broadway."

I cooked more. A professional chef, I'm not. But I've discovered I like trying things in the kitchen. I started making infused vodkas and flavored syrups, all from scratch.

So, I dunno about all this "don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, 2011" attitude. Really, 2011 wasn't a bad year for me. If anything, I might miss it a little. But, if I'm lucky, I won't miss it because I'm going to do my best to have even more fun in 2012. Life hands everyone enough difficulties. When that's not happening, I want my life to be as amazing as possible.

What will Steven cut out next?

2011-12-04T21:06:00.002-05:00

Last January, I went a whole month without cheese.

Today, I started thinking about doing it again, but taking it up a notch: In addition to going cheeseless, I'm considering doing a month of meatlessness. At the very least, I'd give up red meat and poultry.

The cheese is a definite. I'm gonna keep thinking about the rest ...

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Mac

2011-10-05T21:03:00.006-04:00

I'd been working for a large magazine publisher when I was told we would be moving to "desktop publishing." It was the wave of the future, and it made economical sense, I was told. And I was livid.

I'd been working on an Atex terminal for several years. It was ugly and very '70s. But it was the first machine I'd relied on for my editorial career.

Never mind that it was anything but WYSIWYG. Everything one wrote on Atex required commands in order to insert breaks or styling. One had to memorize codes for italics, bold, etc. Really, come to think of it ... Atex was like HTML. But at least HTML is easy to preview. Anything written in Atex had to be printed. And printed again. And again. Until it looked perfect. Then it was time to be pasted-up onto boards and then you were ready for publication (more or less -- I didn't work on the production side, so I know I'm leaving steps out).

The bottom line is, Atex sucked. But I knew it like a familiar lover. I knew how to get it to cooperate. I knew all the little tricks it took just to get it to do what I wanted. I knew Atex so well, I was able to teach it to newer members of the staff.

So, I was a curmudgeon about being forced to work on the Mac. And, oh god ... Quark? "What the hell is Quark? I don't know how to use this. It's so COMPLICATED. I hate this whole Mac thing!" (I know, it sounds so old-lady to be so resistant. I was only in my 20s. Agh!)

Resistance was futile, though. The Mac was there to stay. I became a Quark XPress expert because I had to.

Eventually I explored all the nuances of the Mac operating system. At that point, it was called System 7. (It was well before Apple began using OS in the product name.)

I think what made me start to appreciate the Mac OS was its relative ease compared with DOS, or even Windows 3.1, which I'd had on my Tandy PC at home. (I eventually referred to that Tandy as "the Trashy." It ran WordPerfect, which was not WYSIWYG either. Feh.)

Within two years of having that Atex terminal taken away from me, I understood what people loved so much about Apple. The cleanliness of an interface. The stability of the operating system. The better temperament. The ease with which one could create things on it.

Instead of forcing a user to jump through hoops just to figure out how it worked, the Mac let you focus on what you bought the computer to do in the first place. Never a mysterious blue screen, or an error message I couldn't figure out.

Macs are workhorses. Only recently did I replace my Mac G5 tower from 2003. And the fact is, it's still a useful machine. But, even maxed out on RAM, that G5 began to choke and stutter. I couldn't even sync my Google Calendar with iCal, because the machine wouldn't support a version of iCal new enough to allow that. (And if you're the kind of Mac geek who could switch out processors or whatever, just to make that old tower work with a current OS, my hat is off to you. I'm not that person, though.)

That G5 tower lasted me, even running Adobe Creative Suite and Final Cut Express, for eight and a half years. How many people are still using their PC from eight and a half years ago?

To me, the Mac makes sense. It also freed me from providing endless tech support by phone or in person to my mother or my sister ... because I convinced them both to ditch their PCs and get Macs. The Macs let them do what they need to do. They let me do what I need to do. It's beautiful.

So, rest in peace, Steve Jobs. You made Apple what it is today, Apple helped make my life easier.

Even though I didn't appreciate it at first.

Curb Your Candidacy

2011-10-05T05:49:00.006-04:00

Jeff Garlin from "Curb Your Enthusiasm" is one short Keratin treatment away from being New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. Or Chris Christie is one light perm away from being Jeff Garlin. I can't decide.

2011-09-06T21:52:00.002-04:00

This film is such a guilty pleasure. I'm not a Tom Cruise fan whatsoever, but I just think "Risky Business" is awesome. Please don't think less of me.

2011-08-22T21:34:00.003-04:00

Summer really has only three things going for it: seasonal fruits, the ease of being barefoot, and a slightly more tolerable morning rush hour.

The End Is Near

2011-01-26T06:25:00.002-05:00

I'm talking about the end of cheese-free January.

Just five days left, and then I will have proven to myself that I can, in fact, go a month without consuming any cheese. Over time, it's gotten easier instead of harder, but I suppose that happens when one quits any sort of vice.

I know it sounds funny to refer to cheese as a vice, because I wouldn't dare to compare my giving up cheese with, say, someone kicking a meth habit. My giving up cheese for a month is as first-world a sacrifice as any. But imagine becoming so used to having cheese on a sandwich that you can't fathom having it without. That's what I'm talking about, kids.

My first day back on the cheese already has a plan: A co-worker suggested we go to Frank Pepe's for pizza.

Wouldn't it be funny if I lost my taste for it?

Who am I kidding? I didn't lose the taste for it. But I will be eating it more sparingly, and hopefully, long-term, my cholesterol levels and general health will thank me.

Sixteen down, fifteen to go

2011-01-16T08:09:00.004-05:00

This isn't nearly as challenging as I expected it would be. That's not to say there aren't some inconveniences, of course, but avoiding cheese has been quite easy.

I'm 16 days into cheeselessness, with 15 to go. At this point, I can say with all confidence that I have no plan to slip. Every day, people quit smoking, people quit drinking, and I think both of those things have got to be infinitely more difficult. If that can be done, I certainly could go a month without cheese.

So far, my sister is paralleling me -- she hasn't slipped -- but my co-worker fell off the wagon earlier this week by eating a plate of homemade cheese ravioli. I give her credit for confessing, however, and she's back on track once again.

Going without cheese continues to move me in the direction of making healthier food choices overall ... with one exception: I'm now using mayonnaise. If I order a sandwich, I find myself wondering what to put on it instead of cheese. So, yeah. Mayo.

That said, it needs to be some sort of flavored mayonnaise (chipotle, curry, basil, garlic, etc.), and even then, only a trace of it. I suppose it's fairly harmless in the small quantities I consume. It's funny, though, because I've never really eaten mayo my whole life; it has always grossed me out, and now I'm using it to bring some form of moisture to a sandwich -- but only where mustard will not do.

Oh, and I wish someone would explain to me why having no cheese causes really strong cravings for French toast. What's with that?

Cutting the Cheese: Day 3

2011-01-03T22:39:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure what it is, but simply eliminating cheese from my diet is influencing my eating habits in general -- and for the better.

There's already been considerable temptation, even on the very first meal of the very first day. Having brunch with friends at Dos Caminos in Manhattan, I had a tough time not ordering my usual choice: the shrimp quesadilla. (By the way, that's not something I typically would order anywhere else, but Dos Caminos turns quesadillas into an ecstatic encounter.) I opted for the crab benedict, which was a special. Healthier than having some cheese? Maybe not, but at least I didn't break from my plan. That's not easy in a restaurant where cheese is a part of probably 60 percent of the menu items.

Running out to pick up some lunch in the middle of the workday can also be tricky. Ordering a sandwich that has no cheese just seems so unnatural to me. Roast turkey on a sandwich cries out for cheese. It needs cheese. Especially if you like mayonnaise as much as I do. However, I opted for alfalfa sprouts and dill dressing, and I didn't miss the cheese.

Pizza is going to be the biggest temptation, I predict. Going a month without pizza. The last time I went that long without pizza, I was probably in a high chair.

Cutting the Cheese this January

2010-12-31T08:49:00.005-05:00

In a telephone conversation before the holidays, my sister and I stumbled onto the topic of eating. More specifically, we challenged each other with the question, "What's the single most unhealthy thing you eat?"

We both had the same answer: Cheese. We inherited our father's love of it. There is something about the salty, fatty, melty goodness of cheese that neither my sister nor I can resist. Unless, of course, you are our mother, who insists cheese tastes like soap.

Sure, if you eat it only on occasion and in moderation, cheese can be perfectly fine. However, I know I eat too much of it in any given week. Hell, I probably eat too much of it in any given day. That amount of saturated fat and sodium can't be a good thing.

I wondered aloud to my sister, during the aforementioned phone call, "I wonder what it would be like to go a month without cheese. I almost want to try it."

"You should do it," she said. "I'll do it, too!"

We agreed that getting through a muenster moratorium during the holidays would be torturous, so we would wait until the new year, and make it a January resolution.

I told my co-worker, Lindsay, about our decision, and just a few days ago, she informed me that she would join us in our attempt to get through 31 fromage-free days. This includes all forms of cheese, such as cream, cottage, and even "cheese food" like Kraft's sprinkle parmesan.

As this is the last day of December, I am almost tempted to have cheese in every meal. You know, get my cheese ya-ya's out.

It's going to be an interesting experiment. We've agreed that, if we feel a moment of weakness coming on, we can call each other. We are our each other's cheese sponsors.

At the end of January, I hope to be able to report back that I am, indeed, more powerful than the cheese.

Wish me luck.

2010-12-24T07:59:00.003-05:00

Resolution one for 2011: More blogging, less talking about it.

Extolling the virtues of Blogging to clients and then not doing it myself is just sad on my part. It's not from lack of thoughts, and certainly not from a lack of rants.

I am very fortunate that idea generation, design and writing are part of my job every day. No matter how much you might love what you do, though, coming home to do more of it sometimes seems like too much.

But I plan to get over that. Very soon.

Happy holidays!

Home Shopping Network

2010-08-03T06:22:00.003-04:00

Call it superstitious, but I implore you: Don't ever call HSN to do an on-air testimonial for something you've purchased, no matter how much you love whatever it is.

Why? Because the love affair will come to a crashing stop. And it's a crying shame — okay, not exactly crying, because that's a bit dramatic, so let's say disappointing — when love turns to hate.

A while back, Paul and I watched in awe as renowned chef Todd English demonstrated a full line of nonstick cookware called GreenPan. He and the HSN hosts showed even the most caramelized foods sliding right off the pans, as if the food itself were made of teflon. So, we ordered the full set.

The pots and pans performed beautifully. Nothing stuck. Idyllic cleanup. We giggled like schoolgirls. It was a blissful few months of cooking and cleanup.

And then came the evening we were flipping through the million channels of nothing to watch, and we came across another Todd English segment on HSN, and there it was: our beloved GreenPan set.

Paul said, "I should call in and do a testimonial."

"With your accent," I said, "they'll put you right on."

And so they did.

I immediately powered up the DVR and got ready for the hosts to take Paul's phone call live on HSN. (The segment is still on our DVR, by the way, but I lack the savvy to transfer it to any other medium.)

For three minutes, Paul kvelled over the quality of the pans and the nonstick ecstasy they'd delivered. "I threw our other pans in the trash," he stated dramatically.

Beginning the very next time we used a GreenPan, which was probably a couple of days later, the pans practically required sandblasting after use. No matter what we cooked, or how we cooked it, the food stuck to the pan. The pans began to develop stains we could not remove. Even soaking the pans overnight didn't help. We followed every care instruction for the pans, beginning on day one, so it's not as if we'd done something to compromise the nonstick feature.

It was as if the gods of irony had tuned in to HSN that evening and said, "You seem to be enjoying this cookware too much. We'll fix that."

We began to hate the GreenPan. "Ugh," I'd say. "You're going to cook with that? Get out the chisel."

Weeks later, Paul finally got fed up and called HSN, and they graciously agreed to exchange the blackened GreenPan pan for a new one — and it was just as bad. This repeated itself over and over. We've gotten several replacements, each as poor as the previous version.

I'm convinced that calling HSN to gush over something is pure jinx. Heed my warning: Even if you love those Huggable Hangers more than life itself, or that multipurpose ladder has helped you save a million kittens from trees ... don't call HSN and do a testimonial. Let it be your private joy. Trust me.

Fishy Choices for Forties

2010-07-14T21:52:00.004-04:00

Is it juvenile to enjoy Pepperidge Farms Goldfish crackers the way I do? It's really just the pretzel and s'mores varieties. I picked up a bag of the pretzel ones today, and there's just something about the shape that makes them taste better than plain twisted pretzels.

I feel a bit embarrassed to be making snack choices that are associated with teething and potty training. What's next? Being put in a car seat in the back of my car and being driven around while I permanently ruin the upholstery by scattering Cheerios I've dampened in my mouth?

All I Couldn't Want for Christmas

2009-12-14T07:45:00.003-05:00

Unless you're one of those people who watches no television at all -- and if you are one of those who makes no-TV your "thing" that you make a point of telling people all the time, I want to slap you (but that's a rant for another time) -- you've seen the holiday Lexus commercial. You know, The One Where The Guy Surprises His Wife a Big Lexus with a Huge Bow for Christmas.

Okay, it's been updated for this year, but the idea is still the same: Guy buys Lexus for his girl.

No matter how many years Lexus has had this campaign, I still watch it with all the fascination I would feel if I were observing aliens landing in Central Park and picnicking on faucet washers and bars of Lava soap.

The idea of gifting a car -- a Lexus, at that -- for the holidays is so foreign to me, as I'd imagine it is for most people. I've never been able to wrap my head around it. I'm not judging people who have the means. I just can't relate to giving someone a Lexus for Christmas. What is that even like?

WHY?

2009-08-08T18:17:00.002-04:00

Greenwich man breaks into home, cuts pubic hair

August 7, 2008 - Greenwich Time

A Greenwich man apparently felt guilty about practicing personal hygiene in a neighbor's home after he had broken into it, police said.

Manuel Gonzalez, 18, of 47 Locust St., broke into a Locust Street home Wednesday while the owner was away, cut his pubic hair and left the trimmings, police said. Remorseful about his actions, the man later confessed to the woman, who then called police.

Police charged Gonzalez Thursday night with first-degree burglary. He was released on a $2,000 surety bond and is scheduled to appear in state Superior Court in Stamford Aug. 14.

Tell me I'm wrong.

2009-07-06T23:00:00.000-04:00

Out Rage

2009-05-23T07:58:00.004-04:00

Check out the trailer.

This HAS to be make the people who are the subjects of the film really, really, REALLY uncomfortable.

And to that, I say, "Good."

I've had an epiphany.

2009-04-28T06:23:00.000-04:00

Oh, Starbucks.

2009-04-04T17:36:00.007-04:00

Let me start by saying I'm not really a fan of Starbucks. I don't boil over with hate for it like some people do. I mean, it's perfectly fine, but I actually prefer McDonald's coffee, even if it is the only thing I'll get from there.

But I somehow manage to get at least a few Starbucks gift cards a year, and there's a location practically across from my office, so I'll use the cards up.

When I went to that particular Starbucks a few weeks ago, I ordered a vanilla rooibos tea and brought it back to the office without taking a single sip. When I finally did, something seemed wrong.

I removed the lid and saw that I had half a cup of tea. This was a venti, the tallest cup Starbucks has, and it was half filled. Once I removed the tea bags, it was less than half full. And no, I hadn't asked them to leave room for milk, and even if I had, this was ridiculous. Half a cup? Could they not spare the hot water?

I went to the Starbucks web site and sent a comment. Maybe I invested 60 seconds? (Love you, internets!)

Within a day, I received an email, apologizing for the half-cup of tea.

Within a week, I received two cards, each good for a free beverage of my choice.

Here's the card:

I'm impressed by the design and the way Starbucks continues to market itself, even as it tries to cover its own ass.

However, the card makes me wonder: Is this sent specifically to people who've complained about getting half a cup at Starbucks? Are there really that many complaints about the same thing?

Producing a die-cut, folded, full-bleed card like this is not a cheap affair. If the "cup half full" is just meant to be a metaphor for half-hearted service or a bad drink, that's one thing. But I wonder whether Starbucks actually has legions of people walking out of its stores with half a beverage.

I'm also wondering if I'll receive any 'tude next time I go in with one of these tickets. It'll be like wearing a sandwich board that says, "I COMPLAINED ABOUT YOU."

Behind every great meal is a huge splatter

2009-03-14T09:35:00.006-04:00

I find myself watching the Food Network more and more, mainly when I'm on the elliptical trainer.

As I watch Tyler Florence, Giada De Laurentiis, and even Paula Dean with her valve-closure-with-extra-gravy meals, I think to myself, "Ooh, I should try that," or, "Oh, that looks good -- I'll try making that one day."

That's the point of the Food Network, I suppose. By the time the credits roll, however, my motivation has boiled down to nothing.

You see, we're all being deceived by the Food Network. Although the meals are rarely as easy to prepare when you try cooking them on your own, that's not the deception I'm talking about.

I'm talking about what happens when the camera turns off. Tyler, Giada and Paula sashay off set, and someone comes in to clean up all the pots, pans, bowls, cups, spoons, spatulas, whisks, countertops, candy thermometers, bakeware, counters, floors, sinks, oven floors ... You get the picture. You can damn well bet that none of these chefs are sticking around after they've finished cooking and talking.

The idea of sandblasting a cement-like crust off from a pan, or figuring out how to remove solidified candy-apple coating from everything it touched, removes whatever joy I might have derived from preparing the meal. If I've spent hours cooking, the last thing I want to do is spend hours cleaning.

I'd say this guides my choice of meals when I decide to cook: What's not going to turn the kitchen into a disaster area?

This is my problem, I suppose, and not the Food Network's. But they're definitely selling some sort of fantasy.

*Note: Accompanying photo is not of the author's kitchen.

Home Sweet Whatever

2009-03-05T06:20:00.002-05:00

Let me start by saying: I'm no professional interior decorator. Until I became happily cohabitated, I was perfectly content with an apartment full of build-it-yourself furniture from IKEA.

However, having spent many evenings watching HGTV, I've come to a point where I can't hold this in anymore.

1) STOP WITH THE TUSCAN THEME ALREADY.

My god, how tired can this trend get? At this point, unless you're opening an Olive Garden, consider another motif.

2) WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE WHO KEEP FULL TABLE SETTINGS ON A DINING ROOM TABLE AT ALL TIMES?

Does anyone else think it's bizarre to have a table looking like it is perpetually awaiting guests? Even if you do eventually use that table, you're still going to need to dust off the plates and utensils before they're used. (I'm aware that some people might be fully content to let their guests eat pollutants and once-airborne epidermal matter with their meal.) Unless you are a residential developer and showing a model home, put the table settings away. A nice centerpiece (and okay, maybe a runner) will do.

There. I feel better now.

A bittersweet day

2008-11-05T05:52:00.005-05:00

Call me perpetually dissatisfied, negative, or whatever, but ...

Same-sex marriage was banned in Arizona, Florida, and probably California. And the enlightened folks of Arkansas decided that Paul and I would be unfit to adopt or foster a child. Better a child should remain without a loving home and family -- yes, that's much better.

I really am glad Obama won. But these other defeats actually are affecting just as much as, if not more than, if McCain had won the White House. Although I'm trying really hard to see the silver lining, I'm sadder today than I ever would have expected.

Maybe this is the incentive I needed to do some sort of volunteering. I'm so upset and angry right now, and I think I need to channel it somehow.

Did IQs just drop sharply while I was out of the room?

2008-10-01T07:25:00.001-04:00

When I'm on the elliptical trainer most mornings, I watch Morning Joe on MSNBC.

Andrea Mitchell from NBC News is a frequent commentator on the show, and, generally, I respect her analysis. This morning, however, she pissed me off.

Part of the Mitchell segment included showing a clip of one of Katie Couric's interviews with Sarah Palin about Palin's views on gay rights.

Careful to mention that the views are her own and not necessarily those of her party, Palin makes a point of mentioning that she has a lesbian friend. (Oh, Sarah, you're so progressive and accepting. You might as well also have said, "Some of my best friends are black!")

Palin then goes on to refer to homosexuality first as a "decision," then as a "choice." I suppose I shouldn't be surprised or outraged by this, given Palin's level of enlightenment in general. But this isn't really the point of the post.

After the clip, Andrea Mitchell refers to Palin as coming across as "moderate." What the hell, Andrea?

What? Is she kidding? As far as I'm concerned, labeling homosexuality as a choice is as moderate as mandating creationism as part of a school curriculum.

At this point, I just want the election to be over, whatever the results may be. I'm sick and tired of being outraged; in fact, I'm starting to think it's all I am.

Letting it all hang out

2008-09-16T21:01:00.001-04:00

Last Friday night, I got together with some neighbors for cocktails, and we got to talking about people choosing beach attire without any regard to height or weight. (This all stemmed from a discussion about the FUPA. Google it if you're curious.)

Two of the neighbors recently honeymooned in Europe and told me that the beaches in France were basically anything-goes zones. I recalled for them my growing up in Florida, where I would see old, saggy, and/or obese people in bikinis at the beach.

Go ahead and call it gross. But you know something?

There's a part of me that really, really admires people like that. When I see the fat guy on the beach in a too-small bathing suit, I might be a little grossed out, but my overriding thought is, "How nice that must be for him -- to not give a damn what people think."

That's a guy who looked in the mirror (or maybe not even that) and said, "I look fine."

When I think of how liberating that would be, I envy it. Okay, so the other people at the beach might not like the view, but so what? Show me a guy who's spilling way over his Speedo and I'll show you a guy who's totally comfortable with himself. When I see a woman wearing a halter top in spite of her avalanche of back-fat, I think to myself, "She saw something hot in the mirror today. Good for her!"

I'm not saying I don't want to be the somewhat modest person I am. What I am saying, however, is that there is an upside to "letting it all hang out." You can focus on other, more important things and not be burdened with thoughts of whether you look okay or not.

53 Years, 65 Stories

2008-08-10T17:41:00.000-04:00

This Wednesday, my parents will be married 53 years. Like most people who've been married that long, my parents have enough things. This stage of their lives together is about keeping things simple, rather than complicating matters with more objects around the house. So, Paul and I treated them to something different. Something to which they'd never treat themselves:

Brunch at the Rainbow Room, at the very top of Rockefeller Center in New York City.

As one might expect, there was something for everyone. What stood out to me, though, was the seemingly limitless varieties of fish. I don't think I've ever eaten this much seafood in one sitting. The upside of consuming mostly fish is that it's not a terribly guilty meal. In fact, except for a thumb-sized roll and the tiny crepe I had for dessert, it was also a low-carb yet still enjoyable experience.

My parents had a little of everything, and now well into their 70s, that's what they should be doing. At the end of the meal, I think they were in food comas (although not so food-comatose that my mother didn't stop at a street vendor to buy a hot pretzel "for later").

I think the food is really a side benefit to dining at the Rainbow Room. The main reason to go is the view.

There is something instantly calming about being up 65 stories high, with panoramic views of New York City and way, way beyond. It's a wonderful way to experience a meal, I think. I've been to Top of the Rock, which is the observation deck of Rockefeller Center, just above the Rainbow Room. Also a breathtaking experience, but nowhere near the same.

Even though the lighting is not optimal, I like how this photo from the lobby turned out:

I really do appreciate my parents. And days like today.

Wii are pissed off.

2008-08-05T21:11:00.000-04:00

Wii Fit, I was going to keep this a secret from you, but with the way you greeted me so passive-aggressively today, it became clear that you really need to hear the truth, and it probably would be best coming from me. I don't know how to tell you this, but ...

Well, there's another trainer, you see.

She's an elliptical trainer, and she's black and sexy. She and I work up a real sweat together. A sweat like you've yet to bring out in me.

I know it hurts, but I think it's only fair for you to know, I just don't have it in me to be a one-trainer guy.

Now you don't need to wonder. If I'm not with you, I'm with her. And if it makes you feel any better, sometimes, while I'm with her and pushing and grunting to the point of near exhaustion, I'm thinking of you. You'll never stop being special to me.

There. I said it. I think we're both better for it, too. One day, you'll understand. Maybe when I'm on top of you next time. You know, doing my body test. You'll look me straight in the BMI and tell me it was all worth while.

Just, please, in the meantime, don't take jabs at me like you did today. Just understand. Sometimes there are things a man just has to do to feel like more of a man.

iRant

2008-08-04T07:26:00.000-04:00

Please, please, please don't tell me how broke you are ... if you have an iPhone. I don't care that the phone costs $199 now. If you can afford the phone, plus the costly monthly data and voice plan, you're doing just fine.

Or your priorities are a bit confused.

There. I said it.

P.S. Sure, I'd like one, but for the aforementioned reasons, I don't have one. This isn't about jealousy. It's about logic.

Love, Steven

Hot Man-on-Mixer Action

2008-07-27T18:24:00.000-04:00

It's a sad state of affairs when the highlight of my Sunday was finding special tonic water I'd sampled in Manhattan a few weeks ago.

It all began in the SoHo Dean & Deluca, while I was looking looking for lychee syrup (they didn't have any, but yes, my life is a series of searches for semi-obscure items). I happened across a man offering samples of Q Tonic. "What could be the big deal?" I wondered. "Tonic water is tonic water, isn't it?"

Wrong. This does not taste like regular tonic at all.

I love a good gin and tonic, but in the past couple of years, I've been drinking fewer G&Ts because I felt like the tonic was just too sweet, and although I can drink diet cola, diet tonic water is revolting. Q Tonic is very, very light and refreshing, and it's not made with corn syrup. A friend of mine tried a sample and even admitted, "I don't usually like tonic water at all, but this is pretty good."

I finally found some today at Whole Foods in Westport ... at a cost of $8.99 for four single-serving bottles. Ouch. I do have to wonder whether Q Tonic is going to last at these prices. Are people really going to be willing to shell out more than $2 for a single serving of tonic water, no matter how "different" it is?

After having looked for this tonic water for two weeks, though, I splurged anyway. As I write this, I'm sipping away on a Tanqueray Ten and Q Tonic. Mmmm.

It's the little things, you see.

The Smallest World

2008-07-20T15:23:00.000-04:00

A client with whom I occasionally chit-chat emailed me a YouTube link to check out a video for a Hillary Clinton impersonator. Not one to trust others' assessments of what constitutes "awesome" or worth rushing to "check this out," I hesitated for a moment, but then decided to click the link, figuring there was some possibility my client would ask something specific about the video. I'm just not a good liar, and I really try to avoid making myself be one in the first place.

So I went. And really, the impersonation was great. So great, in fact, that I clicked to see more about the performer. On her YouTube landing page, I noticed her name is Rosemary Watson.

"This can't be the Rosemary Watson I knew in high school, can it?" I wondered. Clicking through her various videos and visiting her personal web site, I could see that she looked just like the Rosemary Watson I remember.

It is, in fact, that Rosemary. I emailed her, and she responded within a couple of hours. She had to grab a yearbook to remember me, but says she remembered me after seeing my photo. We were in drama together, both performing in Agatha Christie's "The Hollow." I remember Rosemary being hugely talented, even back then.

It's really nice to see someone from high school doing something she obviously loves, and doing it superbly. She's recently started doing Cindy McCain, and, as with Hillary, she's got the voice down perfect. And even if impersonations are not your thing, Rosemary's a serious performer, too.

We chatted a bit by email, caught each other up on our lives, and who knows -- I may be able to use her for voiceovers, since she has a home studio. We shall see. Whatever the case may be, it was certainly a nice surprise to stumble into a familiar face from my very distant past!

2008-06-28T17:30:00.001-04:00

The pinnacle of my athleticism to this day is being able to run six miles. But even when I could do those six miles, I could not do yoga.

Believe me, I tried. I have serious coordination issues, and while I'm aware that it takes practice, I looked like an idiot even in a beginner yoga class. The instructor patiently came to my aid a number of times, and while that was a caring gesture, it advertised to the rest of the class that I am a spaz.

And this is why I like the yoga part of Wii Fit. I can fall over and crash to the floor in total privacy. There's something to be said for that.

Overall, I think the Wii Fit is pretty cool, and it keeps things interesting. I can't see making it the sum total of my exercise — I'll still need to use the elliptical trainer — but I think, between the two, there will be some sort of difference.

It does seem, though, that the Wii is trying to flatter me somehow, because I know this can't be right:

Memories of Pinto

2008-06-24T21:00:00.000-04:00

It seems a Chinese Crested named Gus recently won the World's Ugliest Dog contest

I'd say it was fairly awarded.

My paternal grandmother loved animals, and I suppose that had to be a prerequisite for owning the last dog she had before she died. Basically, he was another Gus.

His name was Pinto, and he was a Chinese Hairless, which I guess is related to the Crested breed. Pinto looked exactly like the picture I'm including with this post, right down to the bad eye. In fact, also like Gus, Pinto had leg issues; while Gus is missing one leg altogether, Pinto had a leg that remained bent and close to his body at all times. Also, his long, pink, evacuation-slide-ish tongue was forever hanging out one side of his mouth.

For little boys, all dogs are fascinating, so I would play with Pinto and pet him. His hairless skin, which was one huge liver spot, would pucker and ripple the way a balloon does when it's rubbed. The dog felt as if he'd been constructed from some sort of rubber, and smelled almost as pleasant. Although my grandmother kept Pinto clean, he gave off a smell. No, not "that dog smell," either. My hand would absolutely reek after touching him. The closest scent I can think to describe is buttocks and overly handled modeling clay.

Grandma took Pinto everywhere with her: planes, theaters, restaurants, and of course, our house. Pinto was small and fit neatly into my grandmother's purse, which was usually more like a knitting bag. She trained him to keep his head down when necessary, and he wouldn't make a peep.

One day, while my grandmother was visiting us in the high rise where we lived, Pinto suddenly popped his head out from the handbag while in the elevator with several passengers.

A woman standing across from my grandmother gasped. "Oh my god! You should have that thing put to sleep!"

My grandmother signaled Pinto back into her bag, looked the woman in the eye and said, calmly, "Madam, you should be put to sleep."

It's one of the fondest memories I have of that grandmother, and since the news has been covering Gus all day, I've had grandma -- and Pinto -- on my mind.

Oui!

2008-06-15T21:11:00.000-04:00

When I was maybe 14 or 15, my interest in video games ended abruptly. I can't say what caused it exactly, but it seemed that overnight I lost all interest. The dozens and dozens of Atari cartridges and the Atari 2600 machine went into a box that, to this day, I think remains in my parents' attic.

Funny enough, my interest came back as suddenly as it went away, but what's more profound this time is that Paul became as interested as I. The only difference is, he never went through a video game phase while growing up, because South Africa didn't really have such things. (Hell, they didn't even have regular TV until 1976!)

You see, it all changed for us one evening this past winter, when we'd spent an evening at the home of our friends Rob and Dawn. After a fondue meal and lots of drinks, they broke out their Wii. It was a foreign thing for us.

Just two or three frames into the bowling game of Wii Sports, Paul turned to me and said, "We need one of these."

So, when my birthday rolled around last week, it was one of the gifts. Paul admitted as I opened it, "This is really a gift for both of us."

This evening I hooked the system up, and I'm just figuring out what it actually can do, beyond playing Wii Sports. A neighbor stopped by and we did some bowling, followed by a couple of things on Wii Play, but neither of us was exactly sure we got the hang of the latter. In due time, I suppose.

Paul also generously bought me a Wii Fit but I haven't removed it from the box yet. From what I hear, if the system deems you overweight, it makes your Mii character expand into fatness. I don't know if I'm quite ready for that!

Delta Delta Delta, Can I Helpya Helpya Helpya?

2008-05-25T20:14:00.000-04:00

I curse business-class travel. Why? What's to curse? Well, nothing, really. It's sumptuous: superb meals, comfortable sleeper seats, priority boarding and baggage handling, lounge access ... What's not to love?

No, dear readers, I curse business class because it makes coach travel look like a steaming pile. And that's generally my reality. That first flight in coach, after having flown in business, actually stings. I feel slighted. It's as if some cruel joke is being played on me. Especially if it's a 17-hour journey to Cape Town!

That's my life and budget, though: cattle class. If it weren't for Delta SkyMiles, I'd never even know from the experience of business class. Rather than look at this most recent business-class experience as something that makes coach a downer, I should try to live by the adage, "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened."

Also, to end on a more positive note that comes more easily for me, I throw my panties on stage for Delta Air Lines. This trip involved flights on Air France, KLM and Delta. All in business class. Paul and I figured Delta, our last leg of the trip, would be the most austere of the three.

We were so wrong. It's a whole different airline now, or at least a whole new business class for Delta. The last time we flew business with them, in 2006, we were a bit disappointed. This time? Superb. Our flight from Paris to New York treated us to extremely comfortable seats, the most attentive and friendly service, and food that matches what I'd expect in an highly rated restaurant on the ground.

I know Delta has had some issues, but they seem to be working very hard to reinvent themselves. They've impressed me so much, I hope they succeed.

South Africa 2008

2008-05-25T17:46:00.001-04:00

Okay, so it's been roughly two weeks since my return from South Africa, and I'm just getting around to writing about it now. Not that it's any excuse, but I returned to work the very next day after returning.

The weather in Cape Town was not great. Autumn was moving in a bit early, and we had a number of gray, damp and foggy days. Had it been my first visit, I would have been sad. Cape Town is such a visual city, and the scenery is such a large part of being there. It didn't ruin our time, though; we kept busy, saw friends, and spent a lot of time with Paul's mother. We were fortunate enough to be there for her 75th birthday, and we celebrated it along with some close family members.

Because this was a longer visit than usual, we decided to take a couple of days to hit the road, leave Cape Town and travel to what is known as South Africa's Garden Route. We left the Western Cape and traveled east, parallel to the southern coast of the continent. For most of the drive, the ocean is not even visible; instead, it's farm after farm after farm (I don't think I've ever seen so many goats and sheep in my life), but as we neared the Garden Route, closer to the Eastern Cape, the highway took us along the ocean. The views are incredible. Waves crashing against huge rocks. (It was all very inviting, but the only time I went in was back in Cape Town; I just had to set foot into the Indian Ocean again, if only to say I'd done it.)

At the Garden Route, we stayed two nights at a rented flat in Knysna. The flat was on the water, at a place called Knysna Quays. It's like a scaled-down version of Cape Town's V&A Waterfront. We practically had Knysna to ourselves, and, the weather, unlike Cape Town's, was spectacular.

It's a good thing, too, because without the good weather, I never would have had the opportunity to interact with many species of monkeys; walk, feed and bond with elephants; and visit the Tsitsikamma Forest, which is an absolutely spectacular sight.

No matter how much I write about our trip to the Garden Route -- and our visit to Cape Town in general, for that matter -- my descriptions will never do it justice.

So, check out my pictures!

What's Pneu, Pussycat?

2008-04-14T19:56:00.000-04:00

I guess this is what's happening in my lungs, right now:

Walking pneumonia, the doctor says.

The only saving grace to this is that it's happening now, not in two weeks when I need to get on a plane.

2008-04-13T18:56:00.001-04:00

With the pace of things lately, I guess I've been wishing for some serious do-nothing time. You know, time to just lay around, watch TV and not feel obligated to do much of anything.

As the saying goes, "Be careful what you wish for."

On Thursday, I could barely function. It was all I could do to focus on work and just get through the day. I felt feverish and heavy.

Paul and I carpooled, and he couldn't leave early, so I had to stay at the office anyway. We even had social plans with another couple immediately after work that day, but I called in the afternoon to cancel. All I wanted was to go home and go to bed, so, as soon as Paul was done, we came straight home.

It turned out that I had a fever of almost 102. I can't recall the last time I had a fever like that.

Friday morning, the fever broke and I wasn't as lethargic, but I still didn't feel quite right. I was a bit more energetic as the day went on, which made me optimistic.

Unfortunately, I've felt like crap all weekend. No fever, but I have this unproductive cough. On the rare occasion it is productive, it's not pretty.

So, I guess I'm off to the doctor tomorrow, provided I can get an appointment. We leave for South Africa in two weeks, and I need to be rid of any trace of this.

And it'll be a long time before I wish I could lay in bed and watch TV all day and not feel guilty!

Puttin' on the RItz

2008-04-08T21:40:00.000-04:00

I recently attended a business event at a Ritz-Carlton hotel. As someone whose life is more of a Hampton Inn kind of story, I'd never been to a Ritz before. Granted, this was just for a breakfast, not a stay, but I was curious to experience the place, even if only for a couple of hours.

The fawning pretty much begins at the front door, but I will say, everyone works very hard to make a personal connection with each person who walks in. They don't even know whether you're a guest. You just get cordial treatment. There's something almost unnatural about it. The world is just so impolite by comparison. I'm not used to pampering.

My meeting and breakfast was in one of the hotel's ballrooms. Aside from having coffee accidentally dripped on my pants by one of the servers (it dripped on my crotch, and without either of us saying a word, we both recognized that for him to dab at it would have been questionable), and nobody clearing the fruit plates from the table (so the table got stacked full of dishes very quickly), the meal was lovely.

But the one thing that grabbed me (no, it wasn't the server -- haw haw haw) was a card on every table in the ballroom. It outlined Ritz-Carlton's service standards, but, most notably, one panel of the card said in large, bold lettering:

WE ARE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN SERVING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

To me, the phrase is at once memorable, tasteful ... and really funny. Not because it's ironic. It's just the wording: "We are ladies and gentlemen ... "

It reminds me of being a child, and having an adult address my elementary school classmates and me: "Okay, children. Now, everyone is to act like proper little ladies and gentlemen."

I stared at the card for quite some time, wondering what the ladies and gentlemen are really like, say, in the breakroom or in a lunch room. Nobody gossips? Tells jokes about bodily functions? I'd pay to see a lady or gentleman on a smoke break.

Eh, who knows. Maybe I'm not gentleman enough for the Ritz. I still take home the travel-size shampoos from a plain old Sheraton!

2008-04-05T22:19:00.000-04:00

Especially in the suburbs, it seems like there's not a lot for gay couples to do, short of staying home or going to each other's houses. So, when I recently read about an alternative, I was excited.

Yes, bingo. Not just bingo, though -- it's GAY BINGO, organized by the Mid-Fairfield AIDS Project.

What makes it gay, you ask? Well, for starters, you've got drag queens calling out the numbers and walking through the audience and commenting on random people.

Surprisingly, the crowd was about 40 percent hetero, and the place was packed.

A few friends joined us, and it was a blast. The evening ended on a high note for all of us when one of the friends won the jackpot at the end of the night: $200. They gave $100 back, though, as a contribution.

Oh, by the way, Paul never played bingo until last night, so we all had to show him what to do. Thankfully, he's a quick learner!

The Lowe's(t) Expectations

2008-03-29T16:24:00.000-04:00

Well, I'd tell you how the Lowe's encounter ended, but I'll just let you see the letter I sent to their corporate office. It's all you need to know:

I’ve had a number of bad experiences with major purchases, deliveries and installations by Home Depot, so, when I decided to replace the flooring in my home, I went to Lowe’s. I’d noticed that your merchandise seems to be of a higher quality, and your sales help is much more friendly and helpful, so this seemed a safe bet.

Unfortunately, I’ve come to discover that the administrative side of your business and the way a large purchase is handled are no better than those of Home Depot. In some ways, they’re even worse.

At your [nearby] location, salesperson [name removed -- let's call her Doris] helped me. After she arranged my home measurements and provided an estimate, I needed some time to make a decision. During that time, Doris phoned me to let me know that Lowe’s was running a limited-time promotion of interest-free financing for 12 months, in addition to the $199 installation special we’d already known about.

I told Doris I would go ahead with an order for carpeting two bedrooms, and she said she would adjust my order and that I should come in to finalize the transaction. When I visited the store to do so, Doris was not there; however, one of her colleagues showed me the adjusted estimate. A $300 charge had been added for “large furniture moving.”

According to the promotional signs, your $199 installation special included “normal furniture moving.” Each of my two bedrooms has standard furniture: a bed, a dresser and nightstands -- nothing unusual or oversized. What does Lowe’s consider normal furniture? Card tables and folding chairs?

I left the store, and later spoke with Doris later by telephone. I told her that the extra charge was unacceptable and that I’d felt swindled. After checking with a manager, Doris said Lowe’s would honor the $199 pricing without the extra surcharge. All I had to do to formalize the order, she explained, was come back to the store and open a Lowe’s credit card account, so I could be billed.

The following Sunday, March 16, I returned to Lowe’s. Doris was out, but she had prepared a new sales order for me. One of her colleagues directed me to the customer service desk, where I submitted a credit application. It is important to note that, when I submitted this application, I absolutely made a point of showing the “12-months interest free” form to the customer service representative, and I also told her I was interested in taking advantage of this promotion.

I was immediately approved for a $10,000 line of credit, and, when Doris returned to work a couple of days later, I phoned to tell her my credit account had been opened and that my order should be processed.

She later phoned me to say that the charge was “not going through,” and that perhaps I needed to activate the card. When I phoned the number she provided, I was told that my records were not in the system and my account could not be found. I then had to phone two other numbers before someone finally told me, “Okay, your account is active.” (By that time, I’d spent an hour on the telephone.)

I phoned Doris again to tell her my account should be active. Later that day, Doris phoned me back with some upsetting news:

The customer service rep at the store had opened the wrong kind of account for me: I had a Lowe’s Project Card, not a Lowe’s Credit Card. She also told me that the Project Card allowed only six months of interest-free financing. When I asked if the account could be adjusted for 12 months, I was told that it is not possible, and I would have to open a standard Lowe’s Credit Card account.

I told Doris that I did not want another inquiry to be posted to my credit report, as I have flawless credit and want to keep it that way; multiple inquiries within a short time could be construed by credit bureaus as negative. Lowe’s made the mistake, so why should my credit possibly suffer from it?

Doris said Lowe’s could offer me 10 percent off the cost of my carpeting; this would amount to approximately 80 dollars. I told Doris that I appreciated this courtesy, and that there was one other thing I felt Lowe’s should do, if I were expected to open a second charge account: A letter should be provided to the three major credit-reporting agencies that specified my Project Card account as closed and that it had been opened erroneously. I even offered to provide the specific names and addresses for the letters that should be sent on behalf of my joint account holder and myself.

A few days later, Doris told me that this was something Lowe’s “can’t do,” and “the 10 percent discount would have been enough to make up for the problem.”

Obviously I do not agree with this, and, therefore, am writing this letter to you. It is unacceptable that Lowe’s would make this many errors in a transaction – first overcharging for the installation, then mishandling my credit – and not be willing to accommodate my request. What should have been a simple sale was actually a huge inconvenience and source of stress.

I cannot deny that Doris was pleasant and tried her best; she is an asset to Lowe’s, I feel. Unfortunately, she lost a sale because of Lowe’s clerical incompetence and poor administrative decisions, and, in turn, Lowe’s lost a customer who is not only a consumer advocate but also someone with a lot of home improvements planned over the next several years.

By the way, my Lowe’s Project Cards arrived in the mail just two days ago — and my last name is misspelled. It’s an almost humorous ending to a ridiculous saga.

Sincerely,

Steven Klapow

So, there you have it. Let's see if I get any sort of satisfaction.

Completely Floored

2008-03-15T16:21:00.000-04:00

Last night, our Lowe's flooring salesperson phoned to tell us that the store is now offering interest-free financing up to 12 months, in case that would prompt us to make a decision on the bedroom carpet we've been considering. In addition, there's a $199 installation special going on, but we've known about that, and it was one of the reasons we went to Lowe's in the first place.

The salesperson gave Paul a grand total we both liked, so, this morning, I went to Lowe's to open a charge account and arrange everything. Our salesperson wasn't there, so another one helped me. When he gave me the written-up estimate, it was $300 more.

"That's for big furniture," he said, noting that our regular salesperson added that on.

This didn't sit well with me, and I made it clear to the salesperson. I phoned Paul at work, and told him what was happening. Equally as annoyed as I, he told me to feel free to walk away from the deal.

The salesperson who was helping me noticed that I was looking at the fine print on the $199 installation sign. It said, "Includes normal furniture moving."

What we have is normal furniture: beds, dressers, end tables. If we had two bedrooms filled with safes, vaults, medicine balls, elephants and mercury-filled hot tubs, I could see the problem.

"What constitutes 'normal' furniture for Lowe's?" I asked. "A card table and a folding chair?"

He shrugged. I could tell he understood why I was angry, but he didn't want to ruin the deal for our regular salesperson, either. He told me that our regular salesperson would be back after 1, but I was not about to kill a couple of hours in Danbury.

Paul spoke with her this afternoon and, at first, she said, "I know I spoke with you about this."

No, she really hadn't, and Paul told her as much. He also said he would just forget the whole deal and walk away ... but not without speaking to the store manager and perhaps making an even bigger deal out of it first.

She said she'd get back to him.

Funny how things suddenly change: We're getting the $199 installation. But, like everything, it was a fight. We had to threaten to kick it up a notch.

And this is why, dear readers, I hate having any kind of service performed. There is always a zinger built in. Always.

Good thing Paul and I both have big mouths.

Work, my head, and not asking questions about the menu

2008-03-11T21:10:00.000-04:00

Days like today are a reminder of how much I love my job and where I work.

One of my co-workers brought his dog to the office, and it's all perfectly acceptable. One other person has done it before, and that was fine, too. Both dogs are well behaved and adorable.

Even if a client were to come in for a meeting, I don't know that he or she would be completely surprised to see a canine walking around the place.

This is the beauty of working at a business built on creative, I suppose. Having dogs at the office, or having account managers who aren't in suits (or Dockers -- yecch), is almost expected. At the very least, our work isn't judged by these things.

Today I saw the neurologist. The good news is that the strength and reflexes on my left side are improving, and I'm no longer feeling pain and numbness down my arm. So, either physical therapy did wonders, or the disc has shifted and stopped pressing on a nerve. Given the months and months I spent in physical therapy, I'd like to think that's what did it.

Anyway, we talked about my migraines. I told the doctor about my almost being taken off the plane in Senegal on the flight home from South Africa two years ago, and he gave me some samples of an injection I can give myself. It's the fastest-acting option that's available, he said.

With that, however, comes some new side effects, so I am supposed to give myself one of the shots at home first and see how it goes. The side effects are not terrible, the doctor said, but the mediation can make your chest feel tingly and cause some strange sensations. Certainly, if there's anything unusual, I will be more at ease experiencing it at home than in an airplane in the middle of the ocean, halfway across the world, at 32,000 feet.

Oh, I also had Thai food today -- something I've done only a handful of times in my life.

I ordered an iced tea, and the waitress said, "Thai iced tea?"

"That's fine," I said, thinking it was just iced tea with some sort of tea leaves from Thailand.

Wrong.

The tea was about half iced tea and half very viscous milk. It was almost like iced tea mixed with half-and-half or some of that Coffee Mate creamer you find in the dairy case at the supermarket. I won't say it was bad, but I can't say it was good. I can, however, say it was not at all what I expected.

The Cat from Mars

2008-01-21T18:18:00.000-05:00

It was one thing for him to compulsively clean himself since the day we brought him home. Quirky and endearing, we thought.

But, as of late, he's started to declaw himself with this own teeth. One claw in particular was swollen and almost turning black, so, off to the vet we went.

The vet took some hair samples from the area to see if it's an allergy or a fungus or neither. In the case of the latter, it's probably behavioral and we will have to resort to ...

(wait for it)

...

Yes, some kind of feline Prozac or Paxil.

Leave it to us to adopt a completely mental cat. Or maybe he caught it from us -- who knows? All I'll say is this:

He is so miserable right now.

2007-11-10T19:33:00.000-05:00

This was the hardest day I have had in a long, long time.

Jessica
1991-2007

Breaking my blogging hymen!

2007-09-22T21:32:00.001-04:00

For the first post in my blog, why not make things simple?

View a slideshow my trip with Paul to Scandinavia!